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The mind doesn’t just seek what’s good for it. It seeks what it already knows. Most people assume they keep ending up in the same relationship because of bad luck or bad judgment. But psychologically there is something much more interesting happening. The emotional system was shaped by early experience into a template for how closeness is supposed to feel. And that template runs on autopilot. This is one of the central ideas in object relations theory. We are drawn toward emotional familiarity l
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